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I want someone who sees me so completely, so fully, that I can only ever be myself with them.
I want someone who has my respect and love, who will keep my secrets and protect those things with an intensity equal to what I put into the relationship.
And for the rest of you, the people we date more casually, we adore you for how you respect the boundaries we There are some people out there who try to prove this wrong.
I’ve met them, dated them, and been impressed by their devotion before having to admit the truth: There’s nothing they can do to make themselves the number one person in my life. No amount of flowers, romantic walks, intimate passion, or spur of the moment getaways can alter the position of my heart. There are fantasies in my head about dating, relationships, and falling in love.
I don’t put this statement out there to hurt anyone's feelings or make the daters of single moms feel unappreciated.
We see you, you lovers who don’t flee at the mention of our stretch marks or recoil when we gush about finger paintings and holiday photos. You may never know how much we love you for the way our children look at you, how we admire you for the patience in your eyes and your ability to give your energy not just to us but to our little ones, for those of you who have gotten that far into our lives.
Posted by Sandy Weiner in dating after divorce, online dating after 40, self-esteem in dating | 18 comments Kathy has been dating Larry for three years. A better description would be occasionally seeing each other. He told her how much he valued her and missed her when they’re apart!
Very occasionally, as in one date every six months or so with occasional phone calls and emails in between, always initiated by Kathy. He accompanied her to some important life events, where he met her kids and her parents. I’m not saying that this extreme level of turtle-paced development of a relationship is for everyone. You never know if the timing is just not right for him.
So, while Kathy was ready to explore the relationship potential, Larry was overwhelmed with his work/home life. But she wanted to give the relationship a chance to grow and see what develops. She told him she’s not interested in casual dating.
These include things like what hours of the day are best for sexting (hey, we're busy) and how many minutes a single mom needs in warning before you casually pop in (actually, you should probably not do that at all, unless you know for sure that you're dating a single mom who happens to love that because most of us do not).
I would argue that at least six of those things are desperately essential to having a healthy, stable relationship with a single mom and maintaining your sanity while you do it.
I want someone who sees me so clearly that they know they are in second place and it’s a title they are proud of.
Eventually, I want what most every single mom wants: someone who doesn’t see me as a "single mom" in a way that reduces me to a stereotype, or a collection of choices.
I don’t know about you, but many of my clients would have shut the door on Larry after the first month. When a guy is interested in a woman, he usually escalates the relationship, from first email to first call, to first date, to dating weekly, and on and on until they are in a relationship. What I am saying is that it’s important to be patient throughout the dating, mating and relating process. And pressuring him would be the absolute wrong thing to do.