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We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love.My position is that for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely to do with the African story in America.There is certainly part of me that feels my partnership with a black woman says something about me. The problem is that no committed person goes to bed with black spouse or a white spouse.They go to bed with someone who does, or doesn't, think it's a bad idea to blow the rent-check on school clothes.Per court papers, the estranged couple are now living separately.Scott had a prenup put in place, so even though she obtained real estate and other assets while they were together, if the prenup is enforced by the court, he won’t be able to get his hands on any of that. It’s like what Jill Scott wants, Jill Scott gets,” he said.In other words, they go to bed with an individual who (hopefully) has very specific idea about their life that go beyond whether the revolution will be televised, or not.
Writing about this has helped me get clearer and clearer on this.But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress. Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul's credibility? One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me.Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded.To be blunt--I think people who spend their time stressing about the DNA admixture in other people's relationship need to give some thought to boundaries.When we bemoan Reggie Bush's relationship, we overstate our knowledge, understate our ignorance, highlight our lack of a serious life, and low-ball our own worth.
An individual, with her own specific hopes, dreams and problems, did those things. But the qualities that allowed her to do those things--compassion, commitment, vision--are not "black" qualities. But we often take this abstract, hazy view of an institution that, like anything else worthwhile, is mostly about dirt, work and tedium.